I was hit with a hard realization this week.
I AM NOT IN CONTROL.
Yeah. Yeah. I know. I talk about my 'stubborn beasts' and how they don't always cooperate, but I've realized it's not them. I'm the difficult one. I'm the one not listening to them. They are trying to tell me their story, and I'm coming back with a firm, "No. That's not how I see it. That's not how it's supposed to go."
As an author, I thought my imagination is what created the worlds I write about. "This is my world. I decide what happens."
I had a certain character reveal to me his true purpose in this particular story, and I've been fighting him all week because that's not how I saw him in the beginning.
I was so frustrated...and a little panicked, to be honest...because things were changing so fast. Though I've had several of my fellow authors (this week alone) tell me, "Just go with it." I fought hard.
I've been in denial for too long. Even after my second book took on a life if its own. My gentle, laid-back D'mitri turned out to be this hardheaded, intense, beastly man who demanded a lot from me. Yes, insider. I know. He's not mine. He's YOUR D'mitri. *wink*
He drove me crazy with his over-the-top reactions, and even his cherished Ava slapped the shit out of him. Yes, he deserved it for getting all snarly with her, but that isn't the point. I tried fighting the changes in his personality without realizing he hadn't really changed. I just hadn't seen him clearly in the beginning.
Another example? Gavril. That beast quit talking to me for months because I wasn't listening closely enough to him. Yet, here I thought he was just being stubborn.
Nope. Me again.
I've heard other authors talk about this delusion some of us have that we are the ones in control. And it's just that. A delusion. The stories have a life of their own, and we just have to keep up. This week, I had two different people tell me something that should have clicked the first time I heard it. This is a bit of a paraphrase, but...
We are not Gods. We are authors. Our job is to narrate the journey, not control it.
The only control we really have is how well we listen. Let's just see if I can remember that next time I get frustrated with a 'stubborn' character. It's beyond time to let these beasts and beauties show me their paths. Not try to decide for them.